Co-Parent

Be compassionate, and take responsibility 

for each other.

If we only learned those lessons,

this world would be so much better a place.

                                                                                                                       Morrie Schwartz

 

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Were you an only child?  How was that for you?

Were you the eldest, youngest, middle?

Were you a twin?

What was the experience like for you and how do you think you were affected by it?

For many years, I worked with a quirky, fun-loving, compassionate colleague.  She would stop her car to herd mother duck and ducklings to safety across the road, (even if she was going to be late), she would chat to anybody in any queue at the cafe, she wore immaculate outfits with interesting jewellery and made us all laugh with her madcap stories of incidents that could only happen to her!  One such story was the time she lost track of time while talking to some people and suddenly realised she was going to be late.  She rushed back to her motel room removing her shirt while coming through the door and apologising profusely to her cousin… until she noticed that she was in fact talking to a reclining man in orange robes who was looking amused.  Mortified, she quickly withdrew to the next floor to hurriedly dress for the reunion dinner.

She loved working with children and always found their strengths and listened to their needs.  Behind her on the wall she had stuck a cartoon which depicted a health professional being asked, ‘What is the most important thing a father can do for his children?’  He answers, ‘Love their mother.’  If you are like me it may take a while for the simplicity of that truth to hit you.

Breathe in, follow your breathe, rise above your thoughts, (imagine the blue sky above the clouds like you are in an aeroplane), up here, you can feel that all you need and give is love. Repeat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baby Baby

“Your children are not your children.  They are the sons and daughters

of Life’s longing for itself.  

They come through you but not from you and though they are with you

yet they belong not to you.’

                                                                                                          Khilil  Gibran

 

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Start with the end in mind –

What kind of adult do you want your child to grow up to be?

Picture them now as a young man or woman – what qualities and skills do you want them to have?

What will you need to teach them so they will be capable of stepping into adulthood?

If you are co-parenting get on the same side with each other, value each others strengths and remind each other of the values you want to model as these are what your child will learn.  Speaking respectfully to each other and your child now, will have a pay off in the teenage years!

I heard a researcher on the radio say, that although baby orang-utans are capable of crying, he has never seen or heard one cry.   It turns out that orang-utans are such proactive mothers they sense their baby’s needs before they get a chance to cry.

A crying baby is never being naughty!  They may be hungry, tired, thirsty, have wind or pain, are too hot or cold, have a wet or dirty nappy or are feeling unwell.

The first drive with your baby will be a heightened experience now you are travelling with such precious cargo and everyone on the road seems to be driving far too fast, completely unaware that your vehicle contains… new life.

 

Further reading:

Barbara Coloroso:kids are worth it!