‘Love is the absence of judgment.’
Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It’s not ‘I love you for this or that reason, not ‘I love you if you love me.’ It’s love for no reason, love without an object.
Questions to consider,
Was I always on my best behaviour as a child? Why/why not?
What is my earliest memory of being loved?
Discuss with your partner or a friend
My friend tells the story of driving her husbands bigger car to take her friends out. After the event they had driven off and her friend asks, ‘Is this your car, Joyce?’ They all suddenly realise that the car they are in may be the same colour and make but is certainly not the same model as her husbands station wagon! They have stolen a car! Well, they are certainly in the wrong vehicle, having not paid enough attention to the sticky key or the empty petrol tank sign as they had driven off. A quick U-turn, return to the parking spot they see Joyce’s husbands car two parking spaces away, waiting for them where they left it. How could they not have seen it? With relief that no harm has been done, they park and spring into the station wagon, laughing and vowing to be more present and conscious, next time.
Loving our children causes us to confront how much we love ourselves. If we wish to parent well, we will have to examine our own traits and behaviours and seek ways to avoid or change in order to be the parent our children need. Our children are apt to trigger our own internal unsorted conflicts and it is our responsibility to provide a stable emotional climate for our children and remain calm and relaxed, accepting our children as they are.
Practice daily telling yourself or meditating on the phase, ‘I am loved, I am enough’, because it will help strengthen your resolve to parent well, as a misbehaving or upset child, is simply seeking unconditional love.