Attachment

“All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection.

So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure

to do the impossible.”

                                                                                                        William Faulkner

 

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What do you know of the first year of your life?

Did you have one primary caregiver for that time?

What do you know of your family experiences during your first three years of life?

 

My son’s first trip to meet with a group of mother’s and their babies resulted in loud crying when the mother’s crowded around him.  Instinctively, I knew he needed lots of reassurance and my immediate impulse was to protect him.   Clearly this situation had distressed him so perhaps it would be better if he and I stayed away from the mother’s and babies group.  But deep down I also knew, that to build both his confidence and  resilience, I had to continue to gently encourage outings and meeting others.  I comforted when loud noises scared him.  I would make eye contact and smile while gently talking, if others wanted to hold him.  If ever he continued crying, I would hold him close and walk away from the source of his anxiety.  The close bond we had helped my son feel more secure in unusual or busy environments and gradually his confidence grew.  I read that when your baby can sit up by themselves, playing games which involved half-scary activities like; being thrown in the air and quickly caught or bouncing on your lap and pretending to drop baby through your legs, then quickly pulling them up onto your lap again, can teach babies that they can trust and rely on people.

It was fortunate that I was able to be a full-time mum for the first year of my son’s life developing a secure attachment with him and his sister.

Further reading:

Colby Pearce, A Short Introduction to Attachment and Attachment Disorder

Brainwave Trust How are the Children Doing? 

 

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